The story is told of a college lecturer who came into class and dumped a glass bottle down on his desk, proceeding to fill the bottle with stones. He turned to his students and asked ‘is the bottle full now?’ and when they responded with an enthusiastically confused ‘yes,’ he took some small shells out of his case and poured them into the bottle. Asking the class again, ’is it full now?’ the students once again replied in the affirmative.
However, again the class were surprised to have been proved wrong - the teacher took out some sand and gently poured the grains into the gaps between the stones and shells. The lecturer asked one last time ’is it full now?’ and though half the class were silent (they didn’t want to be proved wrong again), the other students responded with a confident ’yes, it’s definitely full now.’ But again, to the shock horror of the now thrice-wrong students, out came a cup of water which was poured into the bottle (accompanied by a wry smile) to finally fill it to the brim. ‘Now it’s full,’ beamed the lecturer.
He went on to explain the point of this demonstration. Had he put in the contents in the other way round (water first, then sand, then shells and stones), they would never have all fit into the bottle. Only when one goes in order of size; starting with the stones, then putting in the smaller things, can all these materials make it in.
Similarly, when going for a partner for life (a wife/husband), don’t fall into the trap of being blinded purely by their looks - it’s their personality and character that will be around in the future, together with your common goals; looks tend to get ’no better’ over time (don‘t say that to their faces). If you want something that's going to be meaningful, happy and something that will last, it’s all about making an intelligent choice of priorities.
by Rabbi Daniel Fine
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